PLEASE LETS MAKE IT WORK FOR THE SAKE OF OUR CHILDREN

Seldom the successful marriage is based on the foundation of the development of the child, usually a child will want to copy the parents although we are unique, but sometimes the genes are just stronger, the homes determine usually if there will be a successful relationship or not, although exceptional cases are here and there, a suppressed childhood emotions may boomerang at any moment in the future although this is not an excuse for a relationship that turned out sour.

The warring spouse cannot even stop to think this, because at the moment all that matter to them are their problems, they are saddled with a lot of exceptions. In this piece do not expect theories or ten things that you will do to or not do to make your marriage stand I will only troubleshoot because of the probability of a wider audience.

Problems, or let me say challenges that cause breaking in marriage are myriad, if I deliberately began to discuss them we will have a whole book to read and a counsel session to attend, some of them is sex, extra marital affairs, money, interference from relations, needs, challenges, poor communication, selfish career, negligence, failure, stubbornness, to name a few and usually what greed cannot do infidelity will accomplish.

Let's examine at it from the angle of infidelity you may have listened to this several times but I promise you to look at from a broader angle will make the subject more dangerous than you think. Why infidelity? What causes cheating on one another? This issue that as been a long ageless question on several researches and on several hurting people’s lips. Several numbers of excuses can be traced to be the epicenter.

Many amidst several excuses for infidelity are, because I am in politics I must dance to the tune of my female colleagues to win elections, because my wife did not give me peace in our home, because my spouse is cheating on me, because my degree supervisors... because I needed the job, because I waited on an invited guest speaker, because I needed to ignore my spouse, because I wanted to avoid repeated prying from suitors, because I wanted to avoid conflict.

Avoiding your spouse because of conflict which includes abstinence from food, sex, communication and other responsibilities can never be the solution to this challenges you are facing it will rather deepen the gap. But be careful and observant because infidelity kills and if you are not very observant you may get stung with irrevocable diseases in the process. If you will listen a man that refuses to care about the state of his wife will surely attend to the needs of other peoples wives, vice versa.

Sometimes unfaithfulness is never a symptom of an unstable relationship it may be a result of a jolt in lifestyle some faithful spouses who had done everything possible to make their marriage a bliss have unfaithful partners who will still have affairs because of their own deficiencies. However carelessness, overconfidence, simplicity, over exposure and or naivety robs many of their good homes. Some carelessly expose their hubby to female friends or relations. Some too daring outspoken, desires cheap favor, position, office or cheap attachment will make them succumb to cheap relationships that will shipwreck their marriages, later regretting their unthinkable actions.

Some women will do everything in their power to make the marriage works even going to the extent of living separately without opting for divorce so that their hubbies will have access to the siblings and usually this attitude resulted in resolved differences and better relationship because most of them later came back to live as husband and wife again now experienced.

We need to come to terms that our strong and weak attributes will stay with us to some extent. Wisdom is to celebrate the strong areas and to continuing to concentrate on reducing the effect of the weaker attributes when they rear their stubborn heads, this unusually pops up at unlikely moments. Both of us must go ahead and accept that there are some weaker attributes that do not just go away.

Coming into terms is not an automatic or once for all thing, but we’ll find that we have to renew our vows every time there is a big gap which is seldom in a lifetime. We need to hold on to it during the very dark nights when nothing seems working again realizing this is a popular junction in all relationship and in those funny times when the love seems evaporated, we will need to reenact the promise we made to one another and if your spouse is really behaving like a goat you become a lamb.

Deducing if you think you still love him this can be a product of several years you had put into this relationship considering the fact that if you don’t love one another children would not have come out of your relationship the bond was long enough to produce children then do everything possible to save the emotional balance of your children, do not tell them their dad or mom is bad, they are growing up soon they will be able to tell who is wrong. Do it like the medieval African spouse but be careful, if after all things are not working out protect your children, not by shielding them from seeing their dad or mom but telling them the truth when they are matured enough to fathom it and also remember to tell them you loved him or her but it was just that thing did not work out, children are a good learner they will avoid such pitfall in the future.
copyright Foluso Ojoniyi 2011