Monday, July 25, 2011

3 Major Divorce Parenting Mistakes And Learn How To Avoid Them

What 3 major divorce parenting mistakes that surely lead to unhappy, unhealthy and unsuccessful children? Parents know these for your children seek.
1. Failure To Act According To Child's Best Interest
This divorce parenting mistake stem from not knowing what exactly these interest are. Experts do agree on two factors that can be said to be the foundation for a child's true best interest:
  • Maintain familial ties that were meaningful and important to your children prior to the divorce.
  • Provide a generally supportive and cooperative in-between parent relationships.
Act according to child's best interest.
2. Failure To Let Go The Hurt's Of One's Divorce
Let go of grudges you may hold against your former spouse. Holding onto feelings of anger will not change your situation and will probably consume a great deal of your energy - energy you need to devote to creating a positive environment for your child. If you dwell on your disappointment and dislike with your former spouse - chances are your child will sense your feelings and suffer in some way from your negative attitude. Overcome this divorce parenting mistake. Let go and forgive.
3. Failure To Win Divorce Parenting Cooperation
If divorced parents can put aside their personal feelings before the welfare of their children and choose to interact with one another in a respectful and dignified way, their children will benefit. Beat this kind of divorce parenting mistake. Learn to win your ex parenting cooperation.
Sure, you can have healthy, happy and successful children even if you're divorced. Do act according to child's best interest, let go and forgive, and win the parenting cooperation of your ex. Remember, how bad and well children go through the divorce depends on how you handle the situation. Never let your divorce ruin your children's life.
Copyright by Ruben Francia. All Rights Reserved.
Publishing Rights: You have permission to publish this article electronically, in print, in your ebook or on your website, free of charge, as long as the author bylines are included.
About The Author
Ruben Francia is an author of an indispensable divorce parenting guide ebook, entitled "101 Ways To Raise Your 'Divorced' Children To Success". Discover the ways to raising healthy, happy and successful children even if you're on divorced. Visit his web site at

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Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it

The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating on you can be the worst pain you'll feel in your entire life. What is happening to you, you may wonder. You are grieving. You are grieving the loss of your marriage as you know it, of the spouse as you knew him or her. You know that although you may heal that nothing will ever be exactly the same.
This is just what happens when you lose someone in death. What can you do to make the pain go away?
Understand what grief is! Understand the stages of grief!
Grief is defined as the emotional depiction of great loss accompanied by a sense of hopelessness, anguish, denial, anger and confusion.
The stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
How each stage feels to you is going to be different than how it feels to another person. Also, the length of time you spend in each phase will differ.
The first stage is denial. When talking about a relationship afflicted by infidelity this stage is usually gone through before you even find out about the affair. You see signs and you ignore them, thinking your partner couldn't possibly have an affair. You basically deny that the warning signs are there. If you found out about the affair suddenly or were ambushed with it then you may also experience denial. This is usually the case when someone comes to you and says that you're partner is having an affair and you say that they are not, they couldn't possibly be.
The next stage is anger. You will be angry! You have every right to be angry! Anger will take many forms and you will be angry at many people. I personally had moments when I was outright ANGRY and he knew it and other moments when I was passive aggressive. I was also angry at a lot of people. I was angry with him for having the affair, I was angry with the other woman, I was angry with all his coworkers that knew about the affair, I was even angry at his parents. Anger can be the hardest phase to get out of. For many
people, staying angry is a lot easier than feeling the pain. I would start to hurt when thinking about it and I would then go straight into anger because being angry was easier than feeling the pain.
If your spouse has left you or is going to leave you, you may start bargaining. Bargaining is when you beg. Please don't leave us, what will we do with out you. How will we make it. These are all words of the person who is bargaining.
Depression is the next stage. I think that pretty much everyone knows what depression is and knows how it relates to infidelity.
And finally there is acceptance. You have accepted that it happened, that you can't change that it happened, you are no longer stuck on the WHY and you can finally move towards the future, either with your mate or without.
No one person travels through the stages of grief the same. You do not have to go through the stages in order, nor do you have to go through each phase. What matters is that you find a way to get to acceptance.
If you have decided to leave your relationship because you just can't handle what he/she did to you, I must caution you. You will still feel grief. You will still go through the stages of grief. It is important to get through the stages before beginning another
relationship.
You should start doing some things for yourself! When you are grieving it is all too easy to let yourself go. Do not do this. Eat, get sleep, exercise.
Many people find it therapeutic to start doing things for themselves that they didn't do before they found out about the affair. They will join a gym, go on a diet, and develop new friends. Any number of things that ultimately lead to you feeling better about yourself.
Take the time to do something nice for yourself today!
Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering. To learn more about the website or Brandi, please visit Brandi Simon is the owner of Marital Matters where she offers articles and information for those suffering the effects of an extramarital affair and other relationship issues. Brandi is an affair survivor who has successfully rebuilt her marriage from the ashes and offers advice to those who are recovering.

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How Thinking About An Uncontested Divorce Figures Into Your Decision About Divorce

An uncontested divorce is the most common type of divorce. An uncontested divorce is a divorce that occurs when there are no disagreements between spouses over divorce related issues like custody, finances, living arrangements, spousal support, child support, etc. An uncontested divorce can be an easy way for people to get divorced without the hassles of a legal struggle and undue wear and tear on emotions.

But, you may not be ready to seriously consider uncontested divorce if you're just thinking about it.
Thinking about an uncontested divorce can mean a variety of things from a psychological perspective...it could mean that you are really on the brink of divorce.

It could also mean that you're feeling frustrated and just want to end things as fast and quietly as possible. If this is the case, you may want to make sure that you aren't just being lazy and you should examine your reasons for divorce first before you go any further.

"Does it mean I am really ready for divorce just because I am starting to think about an uncontested divorce?"

Maybe, maybe not.

Here's a few things you might want to think about before going onto next steps with regards to an uncontested divorce, just to make sure that you're really ready to go through with it.

Uncontested divorce situation 1:
You're thinking about an uncontested divorce because you want out but you aren't sure if your spouse is ready to call it quits.
This can be tough if you aren't careful. The main point of an uncontested divorce is to have both parties agree on things. If your spouse doesn't even know that you're thinking about getting a divorce, mentioning an uncontested divorce may result in an explosive discussion.

Uncontested divorce situation 2:
You've both agreed that you'd like a divorce, but haven't really clearly defined why, you just know you both feel ending the marriage is best.

Maybe there's a chance to make your marriage work! Don't be too hasty. If you can't clearly define why you and your spouse want to end your marriage, you're acting on emotion rather than a healthy combination of emotion and logic. Sit down, think it through and have a detailed discussion around all of the details.
But, be careful...this can be a volatile situation if you haven't talked everything through and mutually agreed on how you'll actually implement your divorce decision to have an uncontested divorce.
If one of you is more demonstrative than the other or is usually the person who drives the decisions, that sense of control may carry over into the discussion of the terms of the uncontested divorce.

Uncontested divorce situation 3:
You both agreed that you'd like a divorce (and you both know why), and you've successfully talked about and agreed on all of the details regarding the uncontested divorce.
Although it can be a sad situation most of the time, sometimes a divorce is actually a good thing unfortunately. If you and your spouse have amicably decided to part ways and can continue on as responsible happy adults, then an uncontested divorce can be an easy way to sever the relationship and all legal obligations. This is the best situation to be in if you're looking for an uncontested divorce...it should be simple to finish from this point.
Lots of people think about uncontested divorces and never go through with getting one because they actually work things out...and that's a great thing! And, some people think they want an uncontested divorce but haven't agreed on the details and terms, they're just looking for the fastest way to end the marriage. If this is the case, the relationship can turn from being amicable (and each party thinking they want a divorce) to being nasty and a resulting tug of war ensues with each person striving to get what they feel they deserve out of the divorce...and this can lead to a drawn out negotiation which certainly is not an uncontested divorce.
Be smart when you're considering an uncontested divorce...make sure that you're really ready to go through with it. Don't let the term 'uncontested' fool you, an attorney can ethically and legally on represent one of the married parties. But, if you and your spouse can truly be amicable and truthful, an uncontested divorce can be easy.
Karl Augustine
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce" An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients. Deciding on Divorce Uncontested Divorce
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Stop Divorce: "Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If You're Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?"

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce. Conversely, it could be wise to try to s top your divorce, only you know whether you should. Just because you're thinking about getting a divorce, doesn't necessarily mean that you should try to stop your divorce, although its logical to automatically assume so.
In order to be clear that you really want to stop your divorce if you're thinking about getting a divorce, you should use any or all of the following steps to make that determination:

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 1: Examine why you're thinking about getting a divorce and clearly define and outline those reasons.
This is a vital part of determining whether you really do want to stop your divorce. It is easy to naturally think you should get a divorce if feel empty, confused, alone, frustrated, etc. But do yourself a favor, figure out what actually has you feeling like you do and write it down. Only then will you be able to decide whether you should make a serious effort trying to stop your divorce.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 2: Determine if guilt is seemingly forcing you to think about wanting to stop your divorce of if there's something inside you that really wants to stop the divorce.
Guilt can play a factor when you're thinking about getting a divorce, don't let it be the determining factor for wanting to stop your divorce. If guilt is the major reason that you want to stop your divorce, sit down and re-think everything. Ask yourself if you'll feel sorry for your spouse because you know how he or she will react to your decision to get a divorce. You will know if guilt is swaying you one way or another.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 3: Use projection to foresee how how your spouse will react if you try to stop your divorce.
You know whether your spouse will be please or disgruntled if you try to stop your divorce. You have an idea of how he or she will react if you try to patch things up and avoid a divorce. If your spouse will react positively if you try to stop your divorce, you should be happy. You may have a chance to make it work. But, if your spouse will react harshly to efforts to stop your divorce, you should ask yourself why. Figure out what your spouses motivations would be for reacting negatively and determine whether or not its still worth trying to stop your divorce or if you should just develop a plan to part amicably.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 4: Think about what your life would be like if you tried to stop your divorce and compare that scenario with what your currently going through.
Figure out what you want out of the situation and decide what you want your future to look like. If you feel that your life will worsen by trying to stop your divorce, maybe you should re-think what your planning. If you feel that you'd like to at least try to stop your divorce, even if its for selfish reasons, then take comfort in the fact that you've at least made the decision to act. Also, ask yourself whether or not the life you want is with your spouse, even if everything turned out exactly the way you planned for it and you were able to stop your divorce.
Ask yourself, "Even if I implement this plan and manage to stop my divorce, is this really the person I want to spend my life with?" The answer to this question will help you determine your course of action.

Should You Stop Your Divorce?, step 5: Implement your plan of action to either stop your divorce or plan to get a divorce.
Nothing will change if you don't act. Now that you've decided to work it out or get a divorce, set a plan in motion with your true end goal in mind. If you want to get a divorce, do what you need to in order to get what you need out of the situation...be amicable. You do not want to look back later on and feel like you didn't act in a mature fashion.
If you truly want to stop your divorce, use the right resources to determine the best course of action to do that. Divorce is serious, you should make certain for your sake and for your spouse's sake that you did all you could to stop your divorce...and be happy about it!

© Karl Augustine, 2005
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
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